Thursday, February 1, 2007

Boston Averts Attack From the Moon

Yesterday Boston authorities narrowly averted a terrorist attack from the moon.

At a cost of a mere one half million tax-payer dollars, and along with help from Homeland Security and the US Coast Guard, Boston police were able to destroy or disarm at least eleven bombs (one pictured here) cleverly disguised as blinking LED representations of the evil Mooninites.

The fear caused by the reaction of Boston authorities to these cleverly disguised WMDs was immense, and rightly so. It has nothing to do with delusional paranoia as some have suggested. Simply put--it was due to the fact that we can ill afford a war with the Moon right now.

It seems that these devices have been planted in large cities across the country including Philadelphia, where authorities found as many as 56 of these improvised Lite-Brite devices (ILD's), but foolishly treated them as a prank and violation of zoning laws.

A Prank!!! What were the people of Philly thinking? How can any rational person look at a blinking LED light board giving them the finger and not immediately think "BOMB!"? Hell people--these little terrorist bastards spelled out their evil plan in an exclusive interview with The Daily Show's Jon Stewart., and posted a practice program for creating their evil devices on the web. And wise men with a direct link to God have been warning us for years that the end is nigh.

What do you people need in order to wake up--an animated mushroom cloud over Liberty Hall?

But, Philadelphia isn't the only place that these evil devices were all but ignored.

It seems that people in several cities across the country have been all but ignoring these devices for two to three weeks. A man in San Francisco actually left one of these bombs "softly blinking" above his art gallery for several days before a friend got a ladder and bravely disarmed it, and believe it or not the gallery owner plans on keeping the bomb. Keeping a bomb? What's next in this country--shamelessly profiting from a horrible disaster?

The police in Austin, TX didn't even know that the devices were in place until the good folks at Turner Broadcasting informed them of the threat.

I for one am glad that Boston authorities have decided to help Master Shake, Frylock(shown at right battling an evil Mooninite), and Meatwad in their struggle against these Moon based allies of Bin Laden.

There is no word yet as to whether the Bush administration will place the Mooninites on their terror watch list, or if they have plans to undercut funding for this fourth member of the axis of evil.


Michelle said...

Oh shit... does this mean all the radio and tv stations are going to be taken over and will have nothing but Foreigner songs on them all day? This terrorism thing is worse than I thought.

R Nicolas said...

Are you saying that radio stations there play something other than Foreigner? They told us that it was the new thing world wide..."Foreigner 24/7"--Dirty White Boy and Hot Blooded back to back for hours.

Those sneaky bastards--someone's gonna pay!

Anonymous said...

Your comments were the best -- and funniest -- that I read about this "invasiom." And, believe me, I read quite a few.


Robert Devine

R Nicolas said...

Well, thank you Robert. It's always nice to know that my being a smartass is appreciated.

Michelle said...

This is too busy... this is all too busy!!!