Sunday, January 28, 2007

Jesus is In Florida, Not Louisianna

Well, it seems that my assumption that Jesus had returned as a female chimpanzee, and A Simple Girl's postulation that Jesus was a komodo dragon may have both been wrong.

By way of God is for Suckers I have learned that Jesus has been alive for some time and lives in Florida.

Jesus is a recovering heroin addict, who now preaches that all sin died with the first Christ. What this means is simply that sin is no longer a problem. So, now rape, murder, and being Paris Hilton are okay in the eyes of God. Hopefully, Indiana will now lift its silly restriction against selling beer on Sunday, because I don't always remember to stock up on Saturday, and quite often drink everything I have stockpiled on Friday and Saturday.

I have to say that Christ has gotten a lot better than the whiny ass he was the first time around. And judging by the photo below, his followers have gotten hotter than I ever imagined St. Paul to be.

Well I have to cut today's post a little short. It's Sunday, and I need to find the television remote, and get a beer from the fridge (I remembered this weekend), so I can get back to Sunday services.


Michelle said...

Well, you'd expect Jesus to hang out somewhere warm, by the beach and where there's lots of partying going on... I would lose my faith in him otherwise :)

R Nicolas said...

Good point--hadn't thought about the possibility of Christ being a frat boy.