Sunday, January 21, 2007

Jesus Has Returned

Okay, I am a big enough man to admit that I may have been wrong about Christianity.

One of the biggest tenets of their faith is that Jesus Christ would one day return to Earth and bring about the end of time, after which we would all be judged for our sins. It seems that he has arrived in Shreveport, LA.

As an obvious double-slap to Christian Fundamentalists, Jesus came back as a female chimpanzee.

According to the Shreveport Times, Jesus (now known as Tracy, and pictured at right with her mother and an aunt) was born to Teresa, an old female thought to be barren (a lot like Abraham's wife) who has not had contact with a male chimp capable of producing offspring (a lot like President Bush).

Since Jesus/Tracy has yet to begin preaching or judging we can't be sure what the future of humanity will be, but you can damned sure bet that Charlton Heston will be sorry for uttering the phrase "you damned dirty ape."

Obviously God could not be reached for comment on this little ironic twist of fate, but after many hours of prayer and a couple of bottles of rum, I have come to the conclusion that the second coming happening as it has in the form of a female chimp in the United States may have something to do with God's being quite the jokester, or Pierre Boulle's being the last true prophet of God.

Side note: Below is the promotional photo for the remake of the Scorsese classic The Last Temptation of Christ

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed your site, very artistic. Especialy the pictures from the planet of the Apes. I loved that movie. I think your on to something. Now what if I told you that Jesus may have already returned. Now Jesus came and talked to me and for all I know he only talked to me. I thought that everyone was going to see him coming in the Clouds. Now if I am the only one that he talked to does that mean that he has returned? I am not putting you on or lying to you. Has Jesus returned? Melanie Stephan