Guerrilla Advertising-1, Boston-0

Well folks, I decided that hiding in a bomb shelter might not be the way to live. Especially since I ran out of supplies (e.g. beer), and had forgotten to take a TV with me.

Thinking back over the last couple of days, it seems that I, like the city of Boston, may have over-reacted just a little bit. But, in my defense, all I spent on my reaction to the "terrorist attack" was a little time on the keyboard, and $6.50 on beer. Boston spent $500,000.00 on closing down the city to "investigate/disarm" some Lite-Brites, and is continuing to spend money in an effort to not look so stupid.

As it turns out, these "devices" had been all but ignored in several major cities including New York City. If any city in the world has a reason to over-react it would be NYC, but police there just took the signs down--end of story. And to top it off, the signs had been up in Boston for two weeks, and seen by many people (notice the post date on this picture) before some idiot decided they were bombs.

The only slightly credible remark I have heard in defense of Boston's reaction falls in the category of "better safe than sorry." The logic behind this argument implies that cities like Boston need to take all threats seriously in order to protect their citizens. The problem with this argument is that the devices had been in the city for two weeks in plain sight. If they had been bombs then authorities definitely dropped the ball.

This is not an example of authorities protecting citizens. It is an example of people embracing paranoia and fear instead of commonsense and rationality, and then, instead of admitting their over-reaction, trying instead to label the events of that day as a hoax perpetrated against them---"We're not stupid. It's their fault."

If the perpetrators of this "hoax" get anything more than a fine for placing ads without a permit, it will be the definition of "scapegoat justice."

The term hoax implies an intention to deceive. If the courts convict these two guys of perpetrating a hoax then they are convicting them of intending to trick people into believing they were under attack by terrorists, which is something that even the judge in the case so far doesn't believe happened. By placing blinking Mooninite signs around the city, the only hoax that could have been perpetrated was one involving an attack by Mooninites.

The only things proved by this incident are:

1)-This country has become way too stupid and paranoid.

and,

2)-There is no such thing as bad publicity.

Ozzy, Marilyn Manson, and many other shock-rock performers have been saying for years that every time some preacher or government official got on television and talked about them their album sales went up. In this case, it's Turner Broadcasting, the guys arrested, and the company handling the ad campaign that will reap the benefits.

All the hype and stupidity surrounding this virtually guarantees more viewers for Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and more ticket and DVD sales from the movie based on the cartoon which is slated for release next month.

$500,000.00 to Boston from Turner is a small price to pay for international advertising for such relatively small products.

The two guys arrested are now media stars, and will be riding this wave for some time to come.

And, the company responsible for the campaign will have a backlog of potential customers for years.

Guerrilla advertising definitely works.

So, enough on this subject for now. Back to exposing stupidity in other areas.

Update on the End of the World

Yesterday I told you folks about Boston's near miss with a Moon invasion, and today I have some more disturbing news regarding our impending doom.

First of all it seems that the courts in Boston have let the agents of our destruction out of jail (I figured they would be in Guantanamo by now) at which point they began trying to brainwash the media into getting 70's style haircuts. It is obviously working, because none of the reporters is asking stupid questions like they normally do. They are instead standing around trying to keep their heads from exploding.

Here is a link to a news broadcast about these villains (just be aware of their evil brainwashing plot).

The most shocking part about this news clip is the assertion that no reasonable person could perceive these Lite-Brites as bombs. Come on people look at it:



Looks like a bomb to me. And, what's even scarier, is the fact that I have seen literally scores of devices in and around Indianapolis that look just as much (if not more) like bombs. Here is a stock photo of one of these devices:



See what I mean. Notice the similarities--they both have lights, and they are both hung at intersections. These damned terrorists are everywhere. The device pictured above is especially devious, because it somehow convinces people to stop their cars right in front of it. I now believe that the intent of this is to give a stationary target, so I haven't stopped for one all day.

Then after I arrived safely home from dodging these bombs, I discovered that I had been taking pictures of light bombs since at least last July.

Case in point: the pictures below.



The first one was taken here in Indianapolis, and clearly shows several globe shaped devices that I now believe to be bombs. I also saw a UFO that night, but was unable to get a clear picture.

The second photo was taken in NYC, and clearly shows one of the traffic halting devices as well as how the police just stand around like they are innocent devices, and not weapons of the Apocalypse. I saw Elvis standing under that light, but the march participants blocked my view before I could get a picture.

How could anyone in this post yesterday world ,with any common sense not see these things as bombs. President Bush has been trying to tell us for years that we are all in mortal danger, but people keep believing that he is merely keeping us scared shitless for political gain, and to further his goal to be Emperor. These are probably the same people don't believe the prophecies of L. Ron Hubbard.

Come to think of it this looks like a bomb:



And so does this:




That's it! I'm taking my shotgun, beer, and children and heading to the nearest bomb shelter. I'll see folks when this is over--if you're still here.

Boston Averts Attack From the Moon

Yesterday Boston authorities narrowly averted a terrorist attack from the moon.

At a cost of a mere one half million tax-payer dollars, and along with help from Homeland Security and the US Coast Guard, Boston police were able to destroy or disarm at least eleven bombs (one pictured here) cleverly disguised as blinking LED representations of the evil Mooninites.



The fear caused by the reaction of Boston authorities to these cleverly disguised WMDs was immense, and rightly so. It has nothing to do with delusional paranoia as some have suggested. Simply put--it was due to the fact that we can ill afford a war with the Moon right now.

It seems that these devices have been planted in large cities across the country including Philadelphia, where authorities found as many as 56 of these improvised Lite-Brite devices (ILD's), but foolishly treated them as a prank and violation of zoning laws.

A Prank!!! What were the people of Philly thinking? How can any rational person look at a blinking LED light board giving them the finger and not immediately think "BOMB!"? Hell people--these little terrorist bastards spelled out their evil plan in an exclusive interview with The Daily Show's Jon Stewart., and posted a practice program for creating their evil devices on the web. And wise men with a direct link to God have been warning us for years that the end is nigh.

What do you people need in order to wake up--an animated mushroom cloud over Liberty Hall?



But, Philadelphia isn't the only place that these evil devices were all but ignored.

It seems that people in several cities across the country have been all but ignoring these devices for two to three weeks. A man in San Francisco actually left one of these bombs "softly blinking" above his art gallery for several days before a friend got a ladder and bravely disarmed it, and believe it or not the gallery owner plans on keeping the bomb. Keeping a bomb? What's next in this country--shamelessly profiting from a horrible disaster?

The police in Austin, TX didn't even know that the devices were in place until the good folks at Turner Broadcasting informed them of the threat.

I for one am glad that Boston authorities have decided to help Master Shake, Frylock(shown at right battling an evil Mooninite), and Meatwad in their struggle against these Moon based allies of Bin Laden.

There is no word yet as to whether the Bush administration will place the Mooninites on their terror watch list, or if they have plans to undercut funding for this fourth member of the axis of evil.

Who Will Tend the Flock

Well folks, it turns out that there are as many gay sheep (per-capita) as there are gay humans (sheep must like Sinatra too.)

When I first discovered this, my faith was a little shaken. I asked myself how this many sheep could choose to be gay. Since we all know that being gay is a choice to affront the will of God, and not part of the natural scheme of things, because to accept that being gay is natural would mean we would have to treat gay people like human beings, which is something that no real Christian could do.

So, I did like all good Christians and just ignored the fact that studies like these (and common sense) show that being gay is part of nature, and not some kind of evil way of life. Yes, my brethren I ignored the facts and reality and turned instead to the Bible, to find out who should help these poor lost sheep.

First I discovered that sheep have their own prayer. It's in Psalms, and I had heard it before, but never saw the context. It goes like this:

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

After seeing this I began to believe that God had a plan for these poor sheep.

Then I found the following:

I am the good shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine.

As the Father knoweth me, even so know I the Father: and I lay down my life for the sheep.

And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd.

John 10: 14-16

There was my proof. Jesus was sent down here to help the sheep--not just the sheep that followed him, but also the sheep who didn't know him.

So, to whom may the sheep turn for help in knowing Jesus in our modern world? Well I found many churches that go by the name "The Good Shepherd", but it seems that all of them minister solely to humans, which seems to be an affront to God's will concerning sheep. So, my search continues.

Maybe someday I will find the Reverend Bo Peep, who will look after the souls of these poor creatures, and apply some form of the bullshit (oops. It slipped) commonly known as "ex-gay" to these poor creatures.

(And don't try to tell me that Bo Peep is a fictional character, because I think we all know that she is as real as Jesus.)

Until I find Reverend Bo Peep, I guess I will just have to live in a World based on reality, and not hatred and stupidity, and just accept these sheep for who they are instead of making up excuses to hate them.