Reverend Ron and His Glorious Future--Amen

Hallelujah!! My deliverance is at hand, for yesterday I officially became an ordained minister. Praise be to God, etc. etc. Yes folks, at ????? today I received notice that my application for ordination in the Universal Life Church was accepted. I can now marry, bury, bless, and curse people with the full backing of the great bearded one, or as the e-mail I received puts it, I am "authorized by the church to perform all peaceful rites and ceremonies of the church, including weddings, funerals, baptisms, blessings, and to preach, teach and hold meetings." I am also "...entitled to all privileges and courtesies normally offered to members of the clergy."

I have already ordered my ordination certificate and the certificate entitling me to be called "Reverend Ron." I started to go for "Mother Superior," but changed my mind because "Reverend Ron" seemed a better money-making title. I also wanted Popenfuhrer, or "Panzer Cardinal," but some guy in Italy has already claimed both titles.

This also means that I can now endorse a presidential candidate. I'm waiting for the endorsement requests to come in before deciding who pays best, and therefore deserves my endorsement. Unlike Oprah or Chuck Norris I have no plans to choose a candidate based on their skin color or religion.

I haven't decided on a name for my ministry yet but am leaning towards:

Reverend Ron's Guaranteed First Class Ticket to Heaven Only True Apostolic Faith Assembly Holy Spirit Church of Christ, and God International

It seems that Stairway to Heaven was already used in some song or something.

However I have decided that I will not seek tax-exempt status, because, as all church leaders know, our lord, savior, and all around good guy Jeebus commanded that we should pay our taxes, and his most high sometimes cranky father, God commanded that we not try to take tax exemptions for donations to him or his representatives a.k.a. don't eat of the offering you have made, and since I am a nice man-of-God I don't want to lead any of my future flock down the road to Hell--bankruptcy court maybe, but not Hell.

This should keep me out of trouble with not only He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Vained, but also on good terms with the Senate Finance Committee.

I have also decided not to set up house in Las Vegas despite the fact that it is the perfect place for a preacher due to the availability of money and prostitutes. It seems that some fellow men of God have deemed it to be on the list for God's wrath, and I don't want my ministry cut short by some faith-based-bombing.

I figure that within the year I should have enough brain dead followers giving me money that I will be able to buy prostitutes, steal money, buy politicians, buy judges, drive fancy cars, smoke meth, and live in mansions just like the rest of my fellow servants of the Lord. I'll just have to do it in Atlantic City, Reno, or maybe Texas. Though with all of the mega-ministers that are based in Texas the competition for money might be a bit much.

Anyway, keep an eye out for a new blog on the teachings and life lessons from my new ministry.

Amen. Pass the plate. And don't forget that God is watching and wants you to give generously.

Organized Crime for Christ

Stealing a church, buying male prostitutes, smoking meth, and environmental activism.

The crimes committed by leaders of the gay agenda? No?

Crimes committed by godless atheists? No?

Actually these are the activities of some of the leaders of the most active group in American organized crime today: The Evangelical Christian Mafioso.

Our Crook Pastor for the day is one Randall Radic, former pastor of Ripon's First Congregational Church in Ripon, California. This man of God managed to forge papers making him look like the owner of the Church property. He then used the papers to get $200,000 dollars in loans with the property as collateral, then sold the property for $525,000. Of course, since he is a man of God, no one from whom he got the loans, the people to whom he sold the church, or his blindly faithful flock thought that maybe he was up to no good.

The really good part about this is that aside from the six months he spent in jail, he will receive no further punishment. It seems that he has entered into a plea agreement--freedom in return for ratting out a murderer who supposedly confessed to him while he was in prison.

The pastor turned snitch has also found a publisher for a book he has written entitled "The Sound of Meat," a memoir of sorts about how he managed to sell a church right out from under its members. As I have always said: Illegal crime may not pay, but religion sure does.

Now, I'm sure that there are a number of people out there who will of course immediately say something to the effect that he "was not a true Christian." I've never understood what that meant, but I will say that he sure looks like a pastor to me, and according to Grace Notes, an online Bible study resource, Pastor Radic sure sounds like a typical Christian pastor:

Dr. Randall Radic

Dr. Randall Radic is the pastor of First Congregational Church in Ripon, California. He has graciously consented to provide some of his writings for distribution by Grace Notes. I think that you will really enjoy this teaching and receive blessing and help from his spiritual communication.

Dr. Radic has had an extensive and eclectic education in the Word of God. He received a B.A. in Classics from the University of Arizona; then he attended Bellview College in Westminster, Colorado, where he receive the Bachelors in Biblical Studies. He went on to receive the Master of Ministry and Doctor of Theology degrees from Trinity Seminar. Finally, he attended Agape Seminary where he received a doctorate in Sacred Theology.

He is a well-prepared pastor who has the rare ability to produce scholarly lessons that are readily understandable by most Christians.

That last line is my favorite.

I read some of his stuff, it is well written from a feed the believer standpoint. I'm surprised that some of his quotes haven't shown up here yet. My favorite article was one he wrote entitled "The False Prophet and the Mark of the Beast." I guess it takes one to know one.

I also liked the note that appears near the bottom of the bio. pages at Grace Notes:

There is no charge for Grace Notes Materials.

The ministry is supported by Christians who pray for the work and share in the expenses.

Radic's supporters sure prayed and paid.

Update on an Evangelical don I mentioned in a previous post: Estavam Hernandes-Filho and his wife have pleaded not guilty to smuggling charges in Florida. Brazilian officials are still waiting to get their hands on them for fraud and money laundering.

In other news, American evangelicals, the people formerly led by the solicitor/ice head Ted Haggard, are worried about negative growth in their numbers. To reverse this trend they are going after Hispanics and other ethnic groups. I guess the poor undereducated Caucasian population has been tapped out.

They are also going after children with activities that include clowns and parades, and trying to attract single-moms by offering to change their oil.

Incidents like this always bring the words of Ben Franklin to mind:

When a religion is good, I conceive that it will support itself; and, when it cannot support itself, and God does not take care to support, so that its professors are obliged to call for the help of the civil power, it is a sign, I apprehend, of its being a bad one.

Granted single moms, and Hispanics don't constitute a civil power, but the basic message is the same.

There are Baptists in Texas who are putting this growth drive in jeopardy though. It seems that 2.3 million Baptist Texans are being asked by their leaders to help the environment by voicing their opposition to 18 new coal-fired power plants that the governor is proposing. This moves is also in opposition to the Southern Baptist Convention, who last summer denounced environmental activism and warned that it was "threatening to become a wedge issue to divide the evangelical community."

There is also concern that this will divide Baptists in Texas. It seems that God is telling different people different things. Quite the jokester this guy.

Next thing you know we will have an Evangelical preacher/reformed lover of prostitutes having a show on the Discovery Channel a bastion of scientific programs, or even Spike TV home of shows like Spike's Women of Action, Late Night Strip, and Films of Fury, which they describe as: "a kung-fu flick of unparalleled ass-kickin-ness." Their website is interesting too, especially the feature called "The Babe-A-Lizer."

Wait a minute folks--such a thing has happened. It seems that America's favorite cry-baby/prostitute lover Evangelical leader, Jimmy Swaggart, airs his BS on these two channels. OK, now I can't be surprised anymore.


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When at Fault--Always Blame Others. So Sayeth the Lord

Today I came across a tragic story out of Pittsburgh that I feel compelled to address.

It seems that last November Rev. Brent Dugan, pastor of Community Presbyterian Church of Ben Avon committed suicide in a motel room because of an upcoming investigative report from KDKA-TV, a local television station. The report was supposed to expose "illicit, possibly illegal, activity by a local minister, activities which at the very least violated the rules of his denomination." The behavior to be exposed, was the pastor's having been involved in a homosexual relationship for the preceding four years.

This story strikes at several issues that I have somewhat strong opinions about, but didn't show up on my radar until I found a story at Fox News this morning about the aftermath of the pastor's suicide. According to the story (that Fox mislabeled--more on this later), a coalition of religious leaders in Pittsburgh has lodged a complaint with the FCC saying that KDKA's news department had "'sentenced' Dugan before the presbytery had a chance to investigate and deal with his behavior."

All of reports and opinions I have seen about this chain of events, zero in on the KDKA's reporter's actions, which, admittedly were out of line, but by no means something new or odd.

By and large, the American news media had become a source of entertainment. Gone are the Murrow's and Cronkite's of decades past. Information-based news has been largely replaced by inaccuracy, sensationalism, and entertainment news designed to improve ratings and draw advertisers. Fox News, where I found the article, is the most notorious proof of this, but other news agencies are guilty too.

Fox labeled the story as "News Report on Porn Led to Priest's Suicide, Group Alleges in FCC Complaint." The report had nothing to do with "porn." The story was about Rev. Dugan's being secretly homosexual, and no where in the AP report that Fox used does it say so. Clearly the headline was designed to grab the attention of Fox News' largest demographic--right-wing conservatives, and had nothing to do with journalistic accuracy.

The top two headlines this morning on CNN's website were about the death of Anna Nicole Smith and the paternity fight over her baby. Clearly, for the folks at CNN, the death, and sex-life of a Playboy centerfold/Trim Spa spokesperson, take precedence over stories lower on the "Top Stories" list such as those about unethical and illegal behavior by the vice-presidential staff, the situation of the war in Iraq, and the tragic death of six children in a house fire in Kentucky.

It's no wonder more registered American voters vote for American Idol contestants than presidents. As Jefferson warned, ignorance is the biggest enemy of Democracy.

Investigative reporting can be a good thing. Investigative reporters exposed the Watergate scandal, the actions that led to the ongoing Libby trial mentioned above, the Abu Ghraib abuses, and many other useful informative stories, but the story at issue here is not one of them. Instead it falls more in the category of Anna Nicole Smith's love-child.

I am not saying that exposing a religious leader's hypocrisy is a bad thing, but that is not what appears to have happened here. Unlike sleazeballs like Ted Haggard, or Jimmy Swaggart, Rev. Dugan was not simply "caught:" he was, it appears, set-up. It seems that his lover arranged a meeting with him, and set it up so that the news cameras were there.

But, even being "set-up" is not the problem, because unlike douche bags like Haggard, Swaggart, or even my buddy Don Spitz, Rev. Dugan was not (that I can find) actively spreading hate, intolerance, and general stupidity, in fact, his denomination, Presbyterian, is one of the more compassionate Christian denominations in this country having taken the lead in compassion toward, acceptance of, and even ordination of homosexuals, and women.

My problem with this series of events revolves not around the hypocrisy of the victim of the story, or even the story itself, but rather what it says about Rev. Dugan's community, and American society.

The issue here is not hypocrisy, like with Haggard, and Swaggart, but rather society's response to this man's sex-life. The basis for the story wasn't an anti-gay homophobe turning out to be gay, it was a community leader's being gay period. In a church where being gay is not demonized, a pastor had to hide his being gay. Why?

Obviously Rev. Dugan felt that his life would be ruined when his "faithful" congregation, fellow religious leaders, and the rest of the community found out that he was gay. He knew that the very people who are publicly mourning him now, would have driven his ass out of town, and publicly condemned him as evil. Herein we see the true hypocrisy.

Religious leaders in Pittsburgh, and members of Rev. Dugan's congregation have publicly blamed the news report for Dugan's suicide. But, as wrong as the report was, it wasn't the prospect of being on television that drove Rev. Dugan to suicide: it was the bigotry of the people casting blame. He knew what would happen to him, so he, like so many gays who face this, saw no way out and ended his own life.

The people so actively engaged in placing blame for this know in their hearts where the blame truly lies, and need only do one thing to see who is really to blame.

All they need to do is look in the mirror.

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